If I could sum up my life in one word it would sit firmly as ‘contradiction.’ The entirety of every important relationship has exploded with contradiction. Saying one thing but doing another. Going back on their word and never coming to pass with it. Flooding out words they never meant from their mouth simply because it sounded good. Lovers, friends, family too.
Maybe it’s because we’re human. I don’t know all the answers but I have learned that people will hurt us. And there isn’t a thing that we can do about it. I use to think that not being able to give practical advice in hard circumstances was just me being ‘too Christian.’ But really, the only thing that keeps me sane is reliance on God. With all that goes on in life I shrink at the thought of being unaware of a God who is constant. Because with Him, He stomps on contradiction and He uplifts consistency.
If you know me then you know generally, I try to keep the spiritual talk out of my blogs because I don’t believe that you have to always pump up spirituality for people to know you love the Lord. I am a huge fan of practicality and I love relevancy in topics of life. But when it comes to a day by day basis, knowing God is the one thing that keeps me going. He’s the one thing that has proved himself true, even when it’s been a billion years later than what I wanted. When He speaks, it sits well within my soul. Because it’s always honest.
I look at it like this. In our life we’re given this canvas and overtime we proudly paint what we want our life to look like on it. And when we let someone close to us, we freely give them the brush. And more often than most, they don’t choose to paint on it until heartache. So here we are carrying around our canvas of what we have made for ourselves and what other people have put on us – and then there’s God. Up there with our canvas that He has freshly painted for us. And the funny thing is, He’s just chilling and patiently waiting for us to ask for an exchange that He’s always faithful to give.
I use to think that I was okay with just slipping into church here and there when I felt down. I had the mindset that life in and of itself was just contradicting, no way around it. I would see these people who’s lives revolved around God and who always seemed to be happy and it would make me cringe. Because I didn’t get it. But now I understand that just because those people always seemed happy – didn’t mean that they were happy. Rather, I have experienced for myself that I am so human. So so so human and I am not happy all the time. Sometimes, I would love to trip back up in my old habits and call it a quits. Sometimes, I say things way too quickly that should not have been said. Sometimes, everything that’s important to me falls to pieces and I’m left sitting in silence. Sometimes, really human things happen.
In spite of all that, I can have my head lifted up and seemingly look happy because I know a God who gets me. I know a God who is getting ready to hand me a new canvas with His personal painting on it. Who doesn’t mind the dozen of scuffed up canvases I’ve been carrying.
The brilliant thing about God – is that He beautifully floods us with certainty that we could never find anywhere else. And seeking that everyday? It pulls everything into perspective for our really human life.