I was sitting quietly this afternoon in a coffee shop, and I watched as this little girl was taking her steps slowly and cautiously looking down before she placed her foot on the ground. As if she was scared to take the wrong step. And I think we relate to that so personally, always hesitant if we’re taking the “right step.”
What even is the right step? Why are we so scared of just placing our foot on the ground and walking? We act like if we take a step that isn’t the perfect one then we can’t just take it back. Friendddd, let me tell you, you can take back your step. But you’re never going to know if you even need to take it back if you never take it in the first place. We can’t live closed off in these walls we’ve built around ourselves to obscure away from failure. Even if all you can see is quite nothing, just take the step into the unpredictable unknown. We gotta keep moving.
Listen. I’ve been following close to God for three years now, and I’ve had my fair share of tripping up time to time. It’s almost like I’m human or something, how weird. But before I ever knew God, I drowned in the hardest and most heart wrenching times of my life. Yet in these past three years, I’ve faced adversities – but they were always quick to stand back up from. Nothing too tragic that I couldn’t brush off my shoulders. Until these past two months. For the visual people out there (totally me) let me paint a picture for you. I’m steadily standing on everything that’s important in my life, and above me are weights hanging by a string connected to the important things under me. One by one, each facet of my life that I hold close to me is unexpectedly ripped out from under me causing a weight to fall. One right after the next. And now, it feels as if I am left with absolutely nothing and unable to move because the weight is too burdensome. Sounds depressing, but it’s not. It is how I feel, yes, but my hope (ha ha) is not going to be shaken ya know?
Before I knew God, when tragedy took place you found me blowing smoke and drinking toxic. I didn’t own a belief nor did I care. So tragedy to me was fixable (I thought) with temporary things. And then knowing God, in my small adversities it was easy for me to lift my head and know that God is still good. But what I’m getting at is, I’ve never faced true, and I mean true affliction while having my heart set on God. Yeah, I’ve talked about how there is purpose in all things and how His goodness surpasses all. But I’ve spoken that from a heart of remembrance for all the past tragedy He proved himself faithful in once I found Him.
And now that I have found myself in the bottom of the valley, I have not a clue of what is ahead. I’ve noticed that I have been lost and broken without knowing God. I have been broken while knowing God but choosing to walk away from Him. And I am now noticing, that I have never really been broken while being close to God. Oddly enough, I think it’s a kinda beautiful thing. I can’t say that I enjoy this season, but I can say I’m learning more than I ever have about the heart of God. And I know I’m not the only one who has been here.
We gotta keep moving. Right step, wrong step, just take a step. I mean let’s be wise about it, but let’s not be stagnant. You’re allowed to take back a step if you see it’s not the right one. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. But you are not allowed to sit in refusal of at least trying. When everything is going great, you keep walking. When everything is falling to pieces, you keep moving. We’re all in this together, and we gotta keep moving forward together. You don’t always have to get it right, fall on your face a few times. Let’s just always be trying.