11.8.17

I am learning that all the things I shoved under the carpet that I didn’t want to hear from the Lord are actually the things that when I pulled back out began to shape my life for the best.

I look back on journal entries and page after page I read and almost relive the moments of my attention being snatched one way and then thrown to the other side of the room. An unending cycle of different people and different circumstances holding my attention. My heart, my values, my ambition, my time, my next step. Everything flows from where your attention is, because where your attention is – is where your eyes are. And where your eyes are is the direction you’re moving towards. It all walks hand and hand and I am desperate to have my heart on what’s important. All my old journal entires were a reoccurring heartache because my eyes had no definite focus.

I talk with people all day long every day and one of the biggest, if not the biggest challenge that is talked upon is not knowing what to do and terrible regret from an impulsive decision. A quote that fundamentally changed my whole perspective on life was, “The only thing worse than waiting on God, is wishing that you would have.” The only way we end up not waiting on God is really just when our eyes have met something else.

I say that because us humans are so dumb sometimes. I’m not really sorry if that sounds harsh, because it’s true. Our eyes are so concerned with who we’re going to marry, where our talent is going to take us, or what job opportunity is going to open up. Our eyes are always searching for what step we should take next, and while our heads are turning every which of direction we quite literally miss Jesus standing right in front of us waving his hands saying “Just look at me.”

We can’t have wandering eyes. We need to want eyes for one person. We need eyes for one person. And that’s the thing – when your eyes make contact with Jesus, it changes everything. When your eyes meet with Jesus, your attention is not up for grabs anymore. Your heart, your values, your ambition, your time, your next step is out of harms way. Through all of this likely madness, I have found that I like having things my way and I like making my own decisions. But I have also found that I fall really really really hard when I make my own decisions and try to do it my own way. I have found that once I looked at Jesus, and I mean really looked at Him – everything fell into place.

You look to Jesus, and He takes care of you. He shows you home like you’ve never known it elsewhere. He brings forth the right people, and if there are no people, that’s for the best in your season. He sets up your next steps, and he strengthens your character because talent doesn’t sustain you anyways. You look to Jesus and heck, you just go for it.

The comforting truth? You can’t go wrong when you’re looking at Him. I’ve heard all this before, and I was ignorant to the idea of my eyes being elsewhere so I silenced that thought. Now, but now, I have learned that all the things that I shoved under the carpet that I didn’t want to hear from the Lord are actually the things that when I pulled back out began to shape my life for the best.

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