“How do you enjoy your singleness?”
“Where do I find the kind of person I’m looking for?”
“How do I not feel lonely while being single”
“How do I know if I should go on a date with this person?”
You probably read these and if you’re anything like me… you are like ugggghhhhhh. Because let’s be real, the single season sucks. Right?
Wrong. Being single only sucks when we are focusing on the wrong thing. Yeah yeah, I may step on your toes a lil bit with this post. But hey, sometimes, that’s what we need.
Here are five things that I’m glad I knew when I was single:
1.You NEED This Time
This is your season where it is OKAY to be selfish for yourself. Invest in yourself. Go on trips. Go MIA for a few days. If you want to go see a movie, go. If you don’t, then don’t. If you want to work multiple jobs to fill your schedule, work them. If you want to sit at home and do nothing, do that. If you want to go out of town for the holidays, go. If you don’t, then don’t. If you want to get a dog, get a dog. If you don’t, then don’t. What I’m saying is, when you are single that is your time for you. You make decisions for yourself. You don’t have to take into consideration how someone else will feel. Hear me out, because we all know how social media trolls can be. It is not a burden when you ARE in a relationship to take someone’s feelings into consideration. It is a gift and it is a part of growth and that is a whole other blog post. But when you are single, that is your time for you. Do the things that you can do that you probably won’t do when you’re in a relationship. Not anything that compromises your character. But be selfish in investing in yourself.
2. Just Because You’re a Christian Doesn’t Mean God Has to Give You a Spouse
A lot of people have this false understanding that after you dedicate your life to the Lord then you’re automatically ready for this redeemed godly relationship. My friend, that is not the case. Let me provide some clarity. The first step in Christianity is salvation. We all know that. Your second step is not this big youth pastor role. Your second step is not this creative arts director. Your second step is not to launch your dream business. Your second step is not to be a husband or a wife. Your second step, biblically, is sanctification. I know, I know this sounds a little too wordy and religious. But hear me out. After saying yes to Jesus, your next step is committing yourself and dedicating yourself into becoming more like Christ. In really taking a step to the side and digging into who you are, what needs to be worked out, what needs to be planted to grow, what needs to be sharpened. It’s a process. And if you jump into a relationship before taking that time, you are not going to be the person you need to be for that relationship.
Being content in singleness is not learning to accept that if God never brings you a spouse then you’ll be okay. I think that’s extreme. If it’s your heart’s desire to be married one day, the Lord knows that.
Being content in singleness is walking in the willingness of allowing God to shed light on areas that still need redemption. Being content in singleness is pressing pause to understand the heart of God a little bit more knowing that it’s good for you, and for the one who you’ll be with one day.
3.This is the Time to Know Exactly What You Are Looking For and Exactly What You Value. Because Values Are Not Something to Decide in a Moment of Feelings.
Determine what kind of person you need. Not only what kind of person you want. The point of two people coming together is for the purpose of those two building each other up in the areas they are weak in. You need to know what you need and you need to know what you value before you ever meet the person who you choose to get into a relationship with. Because if you try to decide what is important to you in a moment of emotion, infatuation, or feelings then you are going to end up confused and hurt. For example, something minor. If friendship is something you really value, but then the person you meet is a homebody and never wants to hang out with friends… I’m not saying it’s a deal-breaker, but you want to make sure you aren’t compromising in things that really matter to you because the person you’re with is hot.
Something major, if purity is something you really value and maybe have even struggled with before and the person you meet is a little too handsy or provocative… you have to know beforehand that purity is not something you budging on and be strong enough to stick to your values. All these are things that cannot be decided in a moment on emotion but have to be instilled in us while we are in our single season.
4.Being Single Doesn’t Mean No One Likes You
We have got to get over using being single as a pity party. Or being single as excuse to be insecure or sad. I’m sure you hear it all the time, but singleness is a GIFT. If you say you trust the Lord, then why don’t you trust Him while being single? You are not single because something is wrong with you. You are not single because you are ugly. You are not single because you are not like-able. You are not single because God has forgotten about you. Could it be, that you are single because God is trying to do something in you and through you that cannot be accomplished if you were in a relationship. Could it be, that the person you’re going to meet is going through a refining process and it’s just not the right time yet for you both to meet? The Lord knows what He’s doing. And the Lord knows YOU. And He loves YOU. And you ARE lovable. Don’t let the enemy get in your mind and try to tell you that you’re not.
5.Am I the kind of person that I’m looking for?
Another one of these famous Christian one-liners. “Focus on becoming the right one before finding the right one”. There’s a lot of truth to this. Even if we don’t want to admit it. There are so many different stages in life and personally, I believe stages of life play a big part in determining if you are even at a healthy place to start pursuing a relationship. Notice how I say pursue a relationship and not look for a relationship. The moment you find yourself in a frantic search for a relationship is the moment you need to be wise enough to step back. Really, chill out. The God that has been so faithful to you this whole time is more than capable in this area. The last thing you want to do is create something with your own human hands. Because if you create something with your hands, then you have to maintain it with your hands. It just doesn’t work. Because the Lord is so gracious, He will only allow you to hold onto something your hands are not meant to carry for so long until He ends it. Take this time to be the kind of person you are wanting. If you are looking for someone who is kind… are you kind? You attract who you are. So the kind of person you want to attract is the kind of person you need to be.
All in all, being single only sucks when we are focusing on the wrong thing. Trust the process!! The Lord knows you. He knows His plan for you and your life. He is a God well worth trusting. And whenever the time comes for you to meet your person, you will be SO thankful you chose to use this season for good. And here’s something people don’t always tell you… the person you’re with – they are going to be thankful for this, too.
Stay strong. Keep moving forward. And when the time comes, love with all your heart.