Lust, Porn and Purity

Lust, porn, and purity.  

Wow, what a few big topics we have here. Let me just start out by asking you something.. WHAT is your why for purity? 

Because your definition of purity is an indicator on how your actions will play out within a relationship. 

Purity is something that isn’t talked about within the church. Purity is “don’t have sex until you’re married” and you’ll get a gold star if you don’t go all the way before the wedding night.  

Purity is rarely talked about being related to a heart problem, not just a physical problem. 

Surface level purity is talked about in relationships because that is “the thing to do.” 

Purity is often a shameful topic because we don’t bring the hope of the gospel into the purity conversation.  

So let’s talk about it, shall we? 

A little background on me: I have struggled with pornography, lust, and masturbation. I have seen it all under the sun. Nothing surprises me. Nothing shocks me. Sin is sin. Lust is lust. Glad we got that out of the way, now you can be free to have your struggles on the table.  

Purity is the act of keeping oneself clean. I don’t know about you, but sexual sin makes ya feel dirty. Almost every person I have talked to who has struggled with sexual sin has said the word “dirty” in their speech of how they feel.  

Well, I have some good news. Our dirtiness from sin is cleansed by the power of Jesus’ blood on the cross (Ephesians 1:7, Hebrews 9:11-28, 1 John 1:7). We are cleansed not by ‘being good enough for a long time’  but through His forgiveness for us. So we walk in that light and in that love, pursuing righteousness in our everyday life. We walk in the repentance of His grace and BECAUSE of the knowledge of His grace, we want to pursue righteousness.  

Romans 2:4, “Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and  forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” 

Purity is important to someone when they know the cost. An act of filth/ sin costs something. We all know that. We don’t fall into sin and say, “I feel filled up and great now!” No. We feel bad, we feel dirty, and we know we did wrong despite knowing the truth of what we should have done.  

By walking in purity, it is a reflection of how your heart is and what your heart is dwelling upon, not just a physical act. So where is your heart?  Is your heart fixated with the beauty of Christ or is it fixated with that lustful thought, porn video, or that boy you know you can get physical things from? 

Because,As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man” as Proverbs 27:19 clearly points out. 

So, how does all of this tie into relationships? 

What you cultivate within your own heart and your own life is what  you are going to bring into another relationship. So what are you doing on your end to protect your boyfriend/girlfriend’s heart? Because if you are just giving into the desires of your flesh, it WILL effect the relationship you are in. 

Your sexual desires, lustful thoughts, and your sin is to be dealt with you, God, and healthy accountability around you. Depending on where you and your partner are at in the relationship, they don’t need to be your accountability. They don’t need to be your go-to person when you stumble. It’s not protecting your heart in the slightest, it’s actually predisposing it before it’s ready.

Note: the topic of “when to tell them” about your struggles is a different topic for a different day. 

Let’s say y’all tell one another about what you each struggle with and you aren’t fully protecting your mind and heart. 

*Thoughts come up.* 

*You know what they struggle with* 

*You entertain the thought* 

*You bring it up, slowly breaking the boundaries y’all made together* 

*You fall into temptation once* 

*It becomes harder to say no after that.* 

Also, some common phrases, 

“Oh, we just won’t do it again.” 

“ We’ll be more careful and keep each other accountable.”

“ It can just stay between us because it’s not that big of a deal.” 

Friends, do you see how YOU are responsible for what YOU bring  into a relationship? 

James 1:12-15 is one of my favorite passages in scripture regarding this topic, “12 Blessed is the man who remains  steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will  receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is  lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” 

We don’t accidentally fall into sin. Crossing sexual boundaries is not an accident. Someone hitting you on the road when they didn’t see you is an accident. You know what you are doing when crossing that boundary. It is a conscious choice. Temptation is real, my friend. Temptation isn’t the sin. The sin is the sin. 

“The temptation is too strong” 

Yes, it may feel this way. But I have some more good news! 1 Corinthians 10:13, “ No temptation has overtaken you that is not  common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 

The temptation is real, but so is God. He will ALWAYS provide a way out. He will always do it. It’s just a matter of if we want to choose righteousness and honor over our flesh. 

The topic of purity is huge and complicated, especially within a relationship. So here are some quick tips of advice: 

  1. Make sure you are in a healthy place. Do what you need to do to be pure in mind, in body, and in heart. Because how you act while you’re alone is what you will bring into a relationship. Continuously take your thoughts captive and give them to the Lord.
  1. Make boundaries for yourself as an individual, and as a couple. Don’t break them. If you do break them, reevaluate and make them more strict. Scripture says flee from  temptation, not “how close can I get?”
  2. Have accountability individually and together. If you want a pure relationship that honors the Lord, you’ll need as many eyes on you as you can get.  
  3. Be honest with yourself and constantly ask yourself self reflection questions that bring you closer to the Father’s heart. “Is this glorifying to Him?” “Does this bring me closer  to Him?” “Does this bring him/her closer to Christ?” Etc. 
 

 

Friends, this is a hard topic. Sexual sin is real and temptation is real, but so is God. And He wants to help you, equip you, and sustain you. It’s all a process of learning how to be more dependent on Christ and less on self. Learning how to deny what self wants and submitting to Christ’s authority. John 3:30, “He must increase, but I must decrease.”

 

See you next week for Week Three, What to look for somebody before dating them by Maddy Herrin.

One thought on “Lust, Porn and Purity

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.