What to Look For in Someone Before Dating Them

“What do you look for in someone before dating them?”

This is such a great question to ask, but when I think about it, I never asked myself this question before I jumped into a relationship.

I am now 26 years old and married. But I’ll be honest, I don’t think I asked myself the question, “What am I looking for in a guy?” until a year after I graduated college.

Did I even think about what I really wanted in a guy?

Did I even truly know what I was looking for?

How do you even know what to look for?

Do I google it? Do I read about it? Do I watch a movie about it?

How many of you go grocery shopping? Now that I’m married I find myself going way more than I did when I wasn’t married haha. One of the biggest things I’ve learned now feeding two people, is that if I don’t make a list before I go, I ALWAYS forget something! I forget my husbands deodorant or I forget the milk to go with our cereal. And you know what that leaves me with? Making more trips to the grocery store than I really needed.

I know you’re wondering, Maddy… how will grocery shopping find me a great guy to date?! If I had taken the time to look through our fridge, look through our pantry, ask my husband what he needed, and MAKE A LIST, I would have saved myself the time of getting ALL that I needed in one trip.

It all starts will making a list!

If we don’t know what we are looking for in a significant other, then we either come out short or we come out with things that we really didn’t need.

What I’m saying is we need to know the kind of person we are looking for BEFORE we actually start looking for them.

If you are a Jesus follower, we have to ask ourselves the question and understand, why did God make relationships in the first place? In Genesis we see from the beginning the purpose of marriage. Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens…” Gen. 1:26

His purpose for creating relationships/marriage on Earth was so that we could establish His Kingdom on earth and together advance it. In the Bible, we hear about relationships and marriage a good bit. But we don’t hear the word “dating”. I think it is because dating=emotional decisions, and marriage= covenant bonding. God knew if we tried making decisions off of the way we felt…whelp, let’s just say we all know what that’s like and how that ends!

So am I saying, don’t date it’s not biblical? NO! What I am saying is, date with marriage in mind! This is where it all comes full circle.

“What do you look for in someone before dating them?”

You look for qualities you want in a husband or wife, not a quick trip to the store.

But are you the person your spouse needs?

Do you have the qualities that you are even looking for?

Because if you don’t, how can you expect anyone to live up to your expectations?

That is where we see a lot of heartbreak; holding people to expectations that people weren’t meant to fulfill, only God.


When you do this, and I mean really do this to the point where your purpose in life is not marriage or dating, but living and walking in joy and purpose with God, someone will find you when you least expect it. This allows you to be the best version of yourself so that you can be the best for someone else.

Now we can make our list! By the way, your list won’t look the exact same as my list. It won’t look the exact same as all of your friends list. DON’T COMPARE! But as a Jesus follower, a child of God, our goal is to make Heaven known on earth. So with that being our main goal for all we do, here are just a few non-negotiable’s I think are important to think about, to pray about, and to not waver on.

  1. Date Jesus First!

There is nothing more crucial than this one. There is absolutely no reason to even try to fall in love with someone else if you don’t even know where love comes from – Jesus.

2. Are they running the same race that I’m running AT THE SAME PACE AS ME?

God has placed passions in your heart for a reason, including a passion for Him. You want someone who can help you pursue those passions and make you better as you make them better as well. Are they as equally chasing after Jesus with all they have before chasing after anything else?

3. Do they surround themselves with people that make them better?

1 Corinthians 15: 33 “Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Are their friends pushing them forward or making them fall backwards? When God made relationships, it wasn’t just for marriage but friendships too!

4. Do they make me laugh?

God rejoices when we trust Him enough to enjoy our life lightheartedly! Enjoying life together is important. Life and relationships are not perfect, there will be disagreements and hardships. But these are the moments you need someone to remind you or His faithfulness and goodness, which will lead you both to walking lightheartedly together enjoying the seasons of life together.

We aren’t in search for a pursuit of perfection, but a mutually flawed pursuit of Jesus.


See you next week for Week Four, What is the hardest thing about dating?” by Madison Wheat!

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